An Empowered Life

Published on April 28, 2005 in Spirituality. 1 Comment

I was walking home from work today, as I normally do, and thinking about how I approach life and how other people’s approach to life appears to me. All my life I have usually seen the events that have happened as being the result of something that I have chosen or done. Usually this works really well for me.

Some might think that this would lead to a lot of guilt tripping. I think anyone who has spent time with me might disagree with that. I rarely feel guilt about any choices that I make. To the extent that I do, I actively seek a means to release that guilt as soon as I’m ready. I like to think that I learned early on in my life to take responsibility for everything that happens to me.

This has not always worked though. Here is an instance that I perceive in my past that I think may provide a good example.

I have two older brothers, one 15 months older and one almost four years older. My father is a retired Methodist Minister. I also have two younger sisters. When we were small children we lived in a small ranch style house on the Far East Side of Youngstown, Ohio in a small township called Coitsville. Our house sat on two acres of land, much of which was wooded.

Though my oldest brother suffered from serious asthma, he loved to go outside and rip and run through the fields and the woods whenever he could. Having the usual case of older brother hero worship, I desired more than anything to run with him and spend as much time as possible with him. The problem was that being so much younger at the time, I could not keep up.

Now my brother is hyper competitive. He was fundamentally incapable of running at anything but full speed. My smaller legs just couldn’t keep up. At the time it never occurred to me that he was just running at his normal pace. I thought that he was running from me.

I however, did not get angry with him, nor did I blame him for this. I somehow felt that there was something wrong with me that he should not want me around. Now, I do not doubt that it was true that he did not want me around on some occasions. I am an older sibling too so I understand this. However, I believe that there were also times when he just wanted to run and he really would not have minded the company or even the competition. This was fun for him.

I never realized that it was possible that he was not running from me until just last year when I saw the movie “Ray”.

Ray and his younger brother ran everywhere as children and his brother was always lagging behind. He just wasn’t as fast because he was younger. Seeing the scenes with those two children and the desire in the younger to always be with the older touched something deep inside me. I then understood that my older brother might not have always been running from me.

Eventually, I gave up trying to keep up. I would go out into the field next to the house and climb this beautiful tree that stood in the field all alone. I guess it seemed like the tree and I had something in common, we both needed some companionship.

I never understood what I had done to drive my older brother away. Still I was determined to become the best person that I could be and though I could not compete with him physically, I knew there was always a place that I could go where I would be loved and accepted. It was that place inside of my own mind where I could become everything that I ever dreamed I could be.

My mind became the place where all the action took place. As I became older, I realized that if I could master my mind, I might be able to become more than what I perceived myself to be. So, I began to study everything that I could about self-improvement and mental mastery. I began to grasp the major threads of the teaching and one of these was the concept of personal responsibility.

Somehow I came to the conclusion that I did not want anyone to have control of my life but me. This, I assumed, was the key to true freedom. It seemed to me that anytime I blamed someone else for my problems, I was giving them the power to cause those problems. As much as I wanted someone to save me from my suffering, no one ever came to my rescue. If no one would rescue me, I decided that I had better rescue myself. If all of my problems were the result of my own choices and decisions, the only thing that I would need to do to achieve any goal would be to make the correct choices.

As with most simplistic solutions, there was some refinement required. One cannot make any choices without having a goal to drive those choices. Obviously, the choice of the goal is the most important of all. How do I know which goals are realistic? What am I actually capable of? Should I place some rules or moral standards on my goals? What if my goal ends up hurting someone else or, even worse, someone that I Love?

I suppose that in some ways, I am still seeking the answers to these questions. In this search I have found that there is a part of me that has those answers if I have the courage, patience and skill to listen. It is in this place that I find peace, joy, harmony and even bliss. Therefore, I have used this as my barometer and my guide. When the choice is correct, when the goal is true, my heart is filled with bliss. I experience a sense of harmony and joy. I feel as if Love is flowing through me and in the most sublime of these moments, I have a sudden flash of being connected with everything and everyone and the beauty of that vision is more profound than any that I have ever experienced.

I find that the ultimate power is the power to know my own happiness.

“Who do you think you are?”

Published on April 27, 2005 in General. 0 Comments

It seems like I have heard these words so many times in my life.

This blog is somewhat new and I expect to get into some fairly deep philosophical, theoretical and metaphysical subjects so, I figured I should make myself clear on this point.

The short answer is "I DON"T KNOW!"

Now this may seem like a stupid answer. It’s OK with me if you feel that way. I do respect all opinions. However, I hope that you will accept the fact that there is some specific reasoning that goes into that answer.

Consider the concept of knowledge and knowing.

When you know something, all the learning is done. There is nothing more to be perceived. There is no further purpose in even contemplating the nature of that which is known. The only value in an interaction with that knowledge is in what you can do with it.

I see the experience of "knowing" something to be a significant limitation. Why should I accept the knowledge that I already have as being all that can possibly be known about a subject? If I do accept that limitation, doesn’t that also limit what I can do with the subject?

Now when I consider myself as the subject of knowledge, and given the information above, any acceptance of self knowledge would be a limitation of self. Here are the rules associated with this thought process.

  1. Certain knowledge is the awareness of the immutable truth about a subject.
  2. Any immutable truth is unchanging.
  3. Anything that is unchanging is limited in space and time.
  4. Space and time are infinite.
  5. The existence of any finite object within an infinite space is equivalent to no existence at all (n + infinity = infinity + 0 therefore, in the algebra of infinite spaces, any number n is equivalent to 0, mathematicians, please correct me if this is wrong!).
  6. Therefore, any certain knowledge is equivalent to no knowledge at all!

Now, you may think that this is just a silly exercise in circular thinking and from a classical philosophical point of view, that may be true. I certainly have not been classically trained. I have not read the writings of the ancient or modern western philosophers so, according to their teachings, this argument could be totally meaningless.

Honestly, what matters to me is how I feel about the argument.

I choose to see my self in an unlimited context. Any certain knowledge of self would place a limitation upon self.

Now that we have discussed the philosophical perspective, let’s get a bit more practical.

I do not see myself as some kind of scientific, moral, philosophical or technological authority on any subject. I’m just a guy who loves to play with intellectual models. I have this world that I carry around with me that I like to call my "techno-space". In that place, there is an infinite tree of possibilities that I clime through and expand my awareness of on a regular basis. I can’t say if I’m building this model as I go along or if it has always been there and I’m discovering it. I can say that there is a kind of mental energy that flows through this thought form and when something "fits" some portion of the tree "vibrates" or "rings true". The more of the tree that vibrates, the greater is my joy and bliss.

Everything that I experience is quickly related to this model. I easily transition from one "place" on this model to another and am aware of the transitions as I flow. Sometimes I see a complete solution to a problem fully formed off in the distance. The realization of that solution as a software application is what I do for a living, but I do not always get the opportunity to participate in that process. Usually, it is because no one is willing to pay me to participate in the solution. It is just a likely though that I am not able to participate because those who have the resources could not possibly believe that I could have the foggiest idea what I’m talking about.

I do not necessarily disagree with that assessment.

I do not claim to know the "truth" or the "answer" or anything of that sort. I only claim to enjoy modeling. If my models are of value, so be it.

Part of what provides value for my models is accurate input. In order to connect concepts and ideas, I need to have information. It is the desire for this information that sometimes makes me so intense with regard to knowing what is on someones mind. The closer that I am to that person, the more intense is my desire to model them fully. It is in attaching my perceptions of each person that I meet to The Tree that I may experience the true beauty of that person.

I literally LOVE this. I LOVE perceiving humanity in all its variety and complexity. I accept all that I perceive as part and parcel of the whole. Sometimes, I think that I am looking upon the tree of life in the Garden of Eden. The beauty of reality is so stunning and so incredible that I literally feel as if my heart will burst with the sheer joy of the experience!

So, I don’t claim to know a lot, though I’ll often speak with authority on many subjects. I am simply sharing my awareness of The Tree.

I encourage anyone, particularly classically or scientifically trained experts to respond to anything that I might say or write with any information that they might have that will expand my awareness of any subject. Consider the information that I share a starting point for what could become serious research if at all possible. If there is anything that I can do to contribute, I would be honored, but I am under no illusions that a person such as myself, without any specific credentials in the myriad fields that I perceive within my techno-space, would be considered credible in any way.

I am full of concepts and I need to let them flow. To the extent that they are acceptable I feel truly blessed.

And so, it begins

Published on April 24, 2005 in General. 1 Comment

This is the first post to my new blog, Modern Mystic Man.  As such, I thought that I might give readers an understanding of what I think of as "Modern Mysticism".  It may not be what you think.

Before I begin, I would like to remind you all that any opinions, concepts, ideas and general thoughts on this site and in fact all original content created by me is my own personal responsibility.  It does not reflect the thoughts, values or concepts of any employers or clients that I may have now or in the future.  I take full responsibility for my work and no affiliation should be implied by anything that is stated herein.

Basically, if you don’t like what I have to say, the only one to blame (if you are into that kind of thing) is me.

I don’t claim to be some all knowing guru or anything.  In fact, I am willing to say that everything that you read on this site is pure speculation on my part.  What is true is up to you.  Don’t believe it until you see it in your own life, with your own heart and mind.

So, what do I mean by "Modern Mysticism"?

I found this entry at Dictionary.com

mys·ti·cism  n. 

    1. Immediate consciousness of the transcendent or ultimate reality or God. 

    2. The experience of such communion as described by mystics. 

  2. A belief in the existence of realities beyond perceptual or intellectual apprehension that are central to being and directly accessible by subjective experience. 

  3. Vague, groundless speculation. 

When I contemplate each of these definitions, they all seem to fit fairly well.  I really like the idea of "Immediate consciousness of the transcendent or ultimate reality or God".  Definition 2 works pretty well also, though I am not so much concerned with "belief" per se, though I must admit that I do believe in the existence of "mystical" realities.  As for it all being "Vague, groundless speculation" I can definitely go for that *smile*.

I think the best way to describe what I’m interested in as modern mysticism can be comprehended by considering the following question,

"What exactly, is an electron?"

Think twice before you answer.  The true understanding of this question has been a puzzle that modern physics has been trying to unravel for the past hundred or so years.  I would think that any physicist who has contemplated quantum mechanics deeply enough would consider this an ideal Zen koan (A puzzling, often paradoxical statement or story, used in Zen Buddhism as an aid to meditation and a means of gaining spiritual awakening) like, "what is the sound of one hand clapping".

It is the contemplation of such ideas that I refer to as modern mysticism.  The nature of reality is truly a mystery.  Is not a mystic one who contemplates and investigates mysteries? I would then say that a theoretical physicist is a kind of modern mystic, thought I suspect that there are few who would accept such a description for themselves since it might be detrimental to their career.

Therefore, since I am not a working theoretical physicist who has to maintain the good will of his peers and the academic community, I am willing to accept such an appellation for myself.  This also gives me the freedom to explore areas of mystical thought that go beyond the realm of physics and into the realm of metaphysics.