Nature does not reveal itself. It only responds to the questions that we ask of it. I have been told by my master that I must ask the proper questions to receive the answers that I seek. If I am not satisfied with the answers that I am getting, I should look to the questions that I am asking.
This is the most difficult part of the initiation for me at this time. I have always been able to seek the answers to questions and I have rarely relied on anyone for my answers. I did not look to teachers or masters, I simply studied, contemplated, experimented and acted on the information that I had obtained. I cannot claim that I have achieved any particular measure of success, though I have been entertained by the beauty of some of the concepts that I have found and had fun rolling them around in my mind and trying to make them fit with the strange perceptions that have haunted me my entire life.
The task that I am facing now places me in a terrible position. I am seeking to understand the universe and my place within it, but I am told that my brain is not capable of forming the questions necessary to succeed. My task is not to ask questions it seems, but to change the structure of my brain so that the questions that I ask will reveal to me that which I seek to learn.
I’m asking the wrong questions.
What is real and what is fantasy? Why do I feel like there is something missing in my life, as if the world is somehow wrong, as if this is not the life that I should be leading? How can I determine my relationship with the world of things that I perceive and with the world of things that I do not perceive? Where does my “self” begin and what are the boundaries of my consciousness? Is there a purpose for my life? Who and what am I?
I think that my mind has become a cage for me. It is as if I am an animal in the zoo that has never experienced its true way of life. It is as if all of the other animals cannot see the cage that we are in. They are happy to eat the food that is thrown to us by our captors and climb around the confines of the habitat that has been created for us. I can see the glass and the world beyond, I can perceive the ghostly faces of the beings beyond, looking at me with curiosity or pity, but I do not know if it is real. All I want to do is escape from this prison and explore the world outside the confines of my captivity. I want to find out if what I perceive is real or just a fantasy of my own making.
I am wandering in the darkness, questioning why I have been given eyes if there is nothing to see. I was born here in the darkness and my eyes are closed because I never have had them open. I don’t have the foggiest idea how to raise my eyelids and stare upon the universe as it really is.
Into this darkness comes my teacher. A man who has eyes that are wide open and looking on a world that I have never known. It is as if he is saying to me “Open your eyes!” and I am saying “What are eyes?”
It seems that he and I are faced with a nearly insurmountable task. That task is to take a person who has been turned into a slave by his environment, and teach him how to be a free human being. This is something that may never have been done before by the Gourmantche Dogon people. This is significant to say, because I am told that the Dogon people have done many things.
There are those who are walking this path ahead of me, but they are walking this path from a different start than I am. These are my spiritual elders whom I must rely on to help me, but they have not asked the same questions that I have, so nature has revealed itself to them in ways that are different from me. Still, they probably have asked questions for which there are no good answers, so I think that they may be able to help me deal with my problems.
At least I am not wandering in the dark alone. I am no longer without companionship on my quest. This is a good thing. I can only hope that we will find our way through the darkness.
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