Monthly Archive for November, 2007

The journey begins

My journey is about to begin.

It is 2:22AM and I have not gone to sleep yet. In a few hours I’ll load up my car with my luggage and my friends and we will head east across the Midwest to New York. There I will meet with the rest of my friends and we will all board a plane for Casablanca.

Casablanca, a name that evokes ideas of adventure and romance to all who have a memory of the famous Hollywood movie by the same name. When I told my colleagues about my trip, some were very excited about the prospect of exploring the city. Our flight from New York to Casablanca will be about 8 hours and we will have an 11 hour layover before we hop another 8 hour flight to Bamako.

I think I’ll hang out at the airport.

There will be 13 of us on the first part of the trip.

Khefira Hasati

Khefira is a lovely young woman who is the wife of my personal Hatenee and good friend Nehez Meniooh. Khefira is half Japanese and half European. She is about five foot 6 and in pretty good shape to be in her second trimester of pregnancy. Her face is an interesting mix of features with the typical epicanthic folds of the Japanese but slightly muted by her mother’s European ancestry. Khefira’s hair is a slightly coarse and wavy dark brown with a few strands of grey. She has a dancer’s body, having studied and taught Sabar dance for many years, but her pregnancy is beginning to show.

Khefira is a seasoned traveler. She made the pilgrimage last year and before that had traveled extensively in Africa, Europe and Tibet. I think that she will be a reliable travel companion.

KaSabez Ma’akma’a

KaSabez is a good friend. I first met him when I began my initiation. Since he was originally in my generation and I am the Mer (overseer), I felt a certain responsibility for him. He is about twenty five and is re-growing his dreds. He is another of mixed ancestry. He is tall and thin and slight of build. He seems rather clumsy sometimes and for some reason has always wanted to test his strength against mine. I’m 6’5″ and 350lbs and he is probably 6’4″ and 180lbs. Not really a fair fight, but he is much younger than my 47 years. I indulge him when I’m in the mood.

I have always shown great hope and confidence in KaSabez when many others had dismissed him. He has been in and out of The Earth Center for five years and had a reputation as a stoner for a while. He seems to think of himself as more intelligent than most people. He definitely has a good memory since he no longer smokes pot. He seems to have two different effects on people, he either gets on their last nerve, or makes them feel comfortable enough to trust him with some of their most important projects.

He is a real enigma.

BaAshu Tutsanai’i

BaAshu is my brother in the initiation. He is about six three with dark blond hair and a full beard. He too is very slight of build though he seems to wear it better than KaSabez. Perhaps it is the fact that he is a horticulturist and likes sports. He spends a lot of time outside.

BaAshu also has traveled to Africa before, though he has not been on the pilgrimage yet. His Mother runs a semi-annual program where she takes inner-city youth to Africa, and BaAshu has accompanied her on a few of these trips.

BaAshu is very intelligent, though he tends to hide it well. He sits back quietly and watches everything. He usually speaks when he has something worthwhile to say, or to add a dry witticism to a conversation. His emotions rarely come to the surface, but that does not mean that he doesn’t have them.

I think that he will be a good person to rely on as we navigate the environment.

Kyle

“Beautiful” Kyle. Kyle is the grandson of my sister in the initiation Neeriooh. Neeriooh went on the pilgrimage last year.

Kyle is 15 years old and has just started the initiation at the behest of his Grandmother. At first, I was pretty worried about taking Kyle on this trip. I have been told stories of how different the culture is and Kyle is rather effeminate. He seems to prefer hanging out with the women at the EC rather than with the men and he seems to have a preoccupation with his appearance. I tease him sometimes because he works so hard on being “beautiful”.

I have been impressed by how far he has come since he started the initiation. I think that he realizes how important this trip is and how much of an opportunity it will be. He has really tried to learn how to be more open with experimenting with his pallet and he shows much more respect for his elders than he once did.

I know that this trip will be a real challenge for him, but I think that he will make it OK, as long as he can keep a lid on the whining.

BaHeru Meniooh and MenZeba Hasati

BaHeru and MenZeba will get married in Merita (traditional Africa). BaHeru is a former college basketball star. He has long thick dreads and a full beard. He has a powerful but not too obvious build and an easy smile and a quick cadence to his voice that makes him always seem to be in a hurry to get what he has to say across. Even so, what he has to say is usually very significant and he has an honest earnestness about him that shines through in the conviction that you see in his eyes, which are both gentle and intense at the same time. I think that I would not have wanted to meet him on a basketball court. He must have been a fierce competitor.

MenZeba is simply beautiful, but in a kind of innocent way. She is unassuming about her looks and she works very hard at perfecting her skills as a dancer and running the business that she an BeHeru share along with BaHeru’s younger brother SaDeni Ma’akma’a. ‘Zeba is tall and thin with a coffee and cream complexion. She usually wears her hair tied back so that it springs out of the back of her head like a halo of dark honey curls surprised to have been freed of the restriction.

MenZeba means “strong teacher” and I think that she lives up to that name. She is very intense and at times has to concentrate to not offend the people around her with an imperious attitude that occasionally peeks out from the place that she has locked it away. I feel that I can depend on her.

Well, it’s really very late and I will be driving 12 hours tomorrow. There are still a few things left to do.

I’ll be leaving my CPAP behind. I have been using a medicine for Sleep Apnea for the past month or so, but I gave up on trying to adapt to not using the machine until now. I couldn’t afford to fall asleep on the highway during my commute to and from work. I’ll be leaving that behind for two months now.

I think that I can sleep without the machine now, and I think that I have a psychological attachment to the sound of the machine. Since I’ll no longer be faced with the day-to-day stress of urban colonial life, I hope that I will be able to overcome the disease now.

One more night with the machine.

I probably won’t be able to blog again for two weeks. I should be able to access the internet from the EC in Ouagadougou.

Until then…

It’s Not About The Questions

It’s about honesty.

I was speaking with one of my elders the other day about my problems with my questions. I am very fortunate to have such elders. I had told him that I wanted to talk. He is a very good adviser and I needed some good advice.

We are all preparing for our pilgrimage to Merita that will begin on November 15th. I really want to be as mentally prepared as possible.

We were standing together in the foyer of the Chicago Earth Center. We both had our shoes on and were preparing to leave. I had the impression that he needed to head out to meet his woman, but he graciously took a few moments out for me.

“How are you doing?” he asked.

“Looking for the right question.” I said.

He smiled and commented, “That’s a very wise answer.”

I’m not sure how wise an answer it was, but I proceeded to explain my dilemma. He finally said to me that perhaps my problem was not so much with the questions that I have been asking but with the honesty that I have in asking them. He told me that it is not really honest to ask a question when you already have a desire for what the answer will be.

I gave him my most pensive look and told him I had to think about this. I realized that I had not been very honest at all with the questions that I have been asking because I do have a desire for what I want the answers to be. I have had an expectation of these questions from the very beginning. It seemed that I was not asking questions at all, I was just pining around begging my Master for validation on what I hoped and expected my reality to be.

I’m pretty ashamed of myself, really.

So now I have been wondering about my own honesty. One of my other elders told me that Maakheru said that we don’t really know what honesty is. I guess if there is any wish that I would ask of my Ancestors now, it would be for them to help me to become an honest person. I would ask them to help me to be honest with myself and within myself. Without this kind of honesty, I don’t think that I can even begin to approach the knowledge that I seek. I cannot even understand the first step that I will take on the path.

All of the uncertainty and illusion that I have been suffering with is not, I hope, a permanent condition, but I will never overcome it without true honesty within myself.

Everything that I have been thinking and doing in my life would seem to have come from an expectation and desire, a longing for something that I feel is missing. I have been filling the space of that longing with my own ideas and dreams of what I want the world to be. How can I have the answers to my questions if there is no place to put them in my heart and my mind?

It is strange. I do not feel happy or sad about this. Maybe I’m a bit puzzled. I don’t want to hope and I don’t even feel like I need to. I don’t know what is happening to me now and I don’t… care?

I just want to empty myself of the obstacles. I want to wash myself clean with a kind of emotional and mental ablution until I am purified of all of the wants and hopes and dreams except one. The one hope and the one dream is my desire to approach the Divine.

The more I empty myself, all that is left is a feeling that I do not understand. It is so strange but it is only my longing for the Divine that matters. I don’t know what this is. It isn’t a sadness. I don’t feel bereft at all, I just feel like I’m walking slowly through a door and there is a kind of joy in this. I don’t completely trust myself enough to hold on to it. I should not value emotion and I recognize that the only thing that I can know for certain is that I am ignorant.

I must empty myself of everything that I know. I must become pure. As I write those words “I must become pure” I feel the emotion well up inside me again. A kind of joy.

I must become pure