I’m finally back again…

It has been a long time since my last post and much has happened since then.

The first and most important thing I would like to discuss is the graduation ceremony that was held in July. I am happy to say that I have reached the first level of spiritual development at The Earth Center and I have received a new name:

Rezib Tutsanai’i

Rez-EEB

Tut-sa-NA-ee

The first name, Rezib, means “Awakening Heart”.

The second name, Tutsanai’i, means “Image of the Son”.

What a harrowing experience this was! I had been looking forward to this for a long time, and when the day finally came I was surprised to find out that I was prepared in every way, except for the clothes that I was to wear.

I arrived at the Earth Center earlier than any of the other students. I had cooked my special curry dish as part of the celebratory food. I brought in the dish and the bottled water I had promised, ready to get to work.

My Mother had flown in from Cleveland to attend the occasion, but I also think that she was concerned at the zealousness at which I have pursued the teaching. I supposed that she would be used to the way that I immerse myself completely in what I have taken the decision to do. Even so, after spending time talking and enjoying each other’s company I feel that she felt much more comfortable. I was looking forward to her meeting Master Naba.

When I got to the EC, there was still some amount of work to be done in cleaning and preparing the space. I had dressed in clothing that I thought was appropriate, but when Master Naba saw me he asked “Is that what you are to wear?” I was so excited and focused on the work to be done; it never occurred to me that he felt my cloths were inappropriate. When my new Brother Baashu came in with shorts on as well, he called us to the back and berated us on our clothing “You both look like some tourists! This is one of the most important days of life. I think that you would wear something better.” He said sternly.

“You will find some clothes before the start.” This was clearly a command.

I thought that my heart would break.

I’m 6’5” tall and nearly 400lbs. I knew it would be virtually impossible to find something to wear in such a short period of time. We had about an hour before the ceremony was to start.

One of the elder students, Baheru, came to Baashu and me and mentioned that he had some pants that Baashu could wear. I excused myself and hopped in my car after asking directions to the nearest Big and Tall Men’s clothing store.

I spent the next two hours riding around the Near North Side of Chicago popping my head into each shop that I thought would have something I could wear. “No, we don’t carry that size, try the shop down the street.” Was all I heard at shop after shop. I finally realized that I would not find anything to wear. I would return to the EC in defeat. I no longer had time to drive all the way to Addison and change. I now knew I should have done that from the start.

I walked up the five or so flights to the loft with dread in my heart. I had ruined this day that I had hoped would be so special. As I walked down the hall, sweat dripping down my brow, Brenda met me with a look of concern on her face trying to say and do just the right thing that would make me feel better. I felt an obligation to respond to her ministrations in a positive manner.

As we opened the door to the loft where the EC is located, everyone turned to me with a smile on their faces. They all seemed happy to see me. Baheru walked up to me and asked if I had found anything. I shook my head sadly as it was obvious that I had not. I was only happy that Master Naba could not see me, dressed as I had been before I left.

Baheru took me gently by the arm. “I know I got something you can wear.” He said.

Baheru is a former college basketball star and he is at least as tall as I. I was dubious of course since I have a “football” body and he has a “basketball” body. What could I do but follow him back outside and hop in my car? We drove to his apartment, which was not far from the EC.

When he opened the door to the Third floor apartment, I felt a glimmer of hope. There, right as you walk in, was a rack full of traditional clothing. We quickly went through piece by piece, but with each I felt my hope dying. They were all long enough but, of course, too tight.

He went back into his room and came out with a pair of pants. “I was tryin’ these on and they were kinda big. Maybe they’ll fit you.” Miracle of miracles! They fit comfortably.

“Now we need a top.” He said with that infectious smile that I love so much.

More trouble though. Not a one would fit.

“I got it!” he said and dashed into the back. He came out with a mud cloth tunic that just slips over your head. It was completely open on both sides, literally a long piece of fabric with a hole in the middle for your head. It was heavy, scratchy, uncomfortable and a bit wrinkled. I put it on and looked down at myself.

“Yea, we’ll go native!” he smiled again, but not quite as broad. He must have seen the dubious look on my face.

I politely refused, “Uh,.. can we find something else?” I felt rather ungrateful refusing the tunic but I couldn’t bear walking in looking like that.

“OK, les’ see.” He went back to his room again. This time he returned with another tunic. Though it was also completely open on the sides and therefore uncomfortable in its own way, it felt wonderful and looked great. “That’s it!” we both agreed, as we ran out to the car and sped back to the EC.

When I walked in with Baheru, everyone actually clapped and cheered. This was a victory, if only a small one. When I walked into the back, I saw that Baashu had on new pair of pants to go with the traditional shirt he already had. He looked quite dapper. The colors in his shirt blended well with his blond hair and beard. He looked at me calmly with just a hint of humor in his eyes.

Our new sister Nerioo was there in a lovely white dress. Her dreadlocks freshly tightened and her face slightly flushed in anticipation. Master Naba was lounging comfortably on the old couch that served to divide the work area from his living room/library.

“Much better! Now we are ready.”

After all of this excitement, the rest of the day went off without a hitch.

My Mother was impressed with Master Naba. He treated her as if he was taking away something precious and worked to assure her that I would be safe with him. This made her feel very special, as if he knew that I was an important work in progress that she was turning over to him for completion.

The day ended with good food, good music, and good times for all.

It was truly a blessed day.

Thursday was a good day.

It was a Divine Holy Day and I got up at 4:00 AM to make sure that I had time to make it into the City and the Earth Center. It takes a while for me to do my morning internal cleansing and such. We do group Zem-Zem every Divine Holy Day promptly at 8:00 AM.

On this day, I made it on time. I got out of the house at about 7:00. The traffic was heavy as usual, but I got to the Earth Center at about 7:50. When I arrived, none of the other students were there as yet. I walked into the common room and the lights were off. Master Naba was asleep on his sleeping mat in the far corner just outside of the healing room. His snores were not particularly irritating. They were more like a soft periodic buzzing, loud enough to be heard, but not so loud as to be disturbing.

Bouneith was preparing the urn and candle that we use for our sacrifices. Since I had already done my ablutions before arriving, I did not speak or touch anyone. It seemed that Bikdeni was in the bathroom performing his ablutions. I saw his car parked outside the building when I arrived. Soon the other students began to enter. Bikdeni came out of the bathroom. Nehez and Hefira walked in. I found a spot facing the urn with my back to the door and thought about the fact that I had not brought anything to pad the hard wooden floor beneath my knees. I was anticipating a significant amount of pain in the next half hour or so.

I really like Baheru.

As I kneeled on the floor and began to calm myself, he appeared on my left and offered me a mat to place under me. He then went to retrieve another one for himself. I recognized that others had also joined us; Zemonita had brought her baby. I think Marhu and Ma-Awa were there as well.

We began our Zem-Zem and soon the common room was filling with the smoke from the incense that we all had placed in the urn as our sacrifices to the Neteru.

Zem-Zem is something that we do at least twice a day every day except for the days of rest. On the Divine holy days we do something special in that we make offerings to the Neteru. On ancestor holy days we make offerings to our ancestors.

The Zem-Zem is the only place where I can consistently find inner peace.

Today I stayed afterwards to spend some time talking with Bouneith. Bouneith is master Naba’s wife and one of his oldest students here in the US. She has known him for more than seven years. She is also the mother of four of his seventeen children, B’Dal, Ineza, Zemira and baby Ramez.

I have spoken to Bouneith on several occasions. If many see Master Naba as a Father Figure, many also see her as a Mother figure. As for me, I have always been more comfortable around women. I have a close relationship with my own Mother and was always able to talk to her, so it was easy for me to feel comfortable with Bouneith.

We went to the back of the loft where the Earth Center is located and sat in the area near her computer workstation. This space is divided off from the rest of the center by filing cabinets toward the common room and book cases and a couch toward the very back of the space. Towards the healing room and sleeping quarters there is a table and a divider that makes a hallway.

“How are you Bouneith?” I asked.

“I’m fine.” She said as she sat in her chair in front of her workstation and turned toward me. Baby Ramez was in his chair on the floor between us. B’Dal had on his Ray Mysterio mask and was playing with his toy championship belt. Ineza had on a mask too and was following around behind him.

I looked over and smiled at them. I always tease Ineza by calling him Flava Flave, since his front teeth are filled and he has a shiny rack. Both he and his brother are going to grow up to be a couple of handsome young men some day. The ladies are going to fall all over them.

Bouneith shooed them away but warned them not to go up front and wake their father. Cute little Zamira came up to me and demanded “Milk!” I just looked at her calmly. She then turned to her mother and did the same.

“Is that how you ask?” Said Bouneith in a slightly scolding voice.

“You all go and play, I’ll fix your breakfast shortly, Ray and I are talking. Now go.

So how are you?” she asked.

“Well… not to good actually. I don’t like feeling this way. How do I deal with these feelings?”

“How are you feeling exactly?”

“Kind of depressed, and a bit ashamed of myself.”

“You know, in the healing class, we teach that the cause of depression is the destruction of the illusions that we hold on to in life. This is why depression is a common thing for people in middle age. Have you had any medicine for the depression?”

“Yes, Master Naba gave me some but it is all gone now.”

“Good, how did it work?”

“I couldn’t really tell if it was working,” I said. “Until I stopped using it. Then I realized that it was making a big difference.”

“OK, so then you do not have to worry about any spiritual depression issues.” She said.

I had not realized at the time that this medicine had spiritual characteristics. I thought that it was just a natural form of anti-depressant.

“So now you are just dealing with the reality issues, but you have to be careful. You don’t have to be ashamed of something that you didn’t have any control over. It is very easy to get caught up in the feeling itself.”

“Yea, I don’t want to just wallow in the pain. I want it to end. I want it to go away. How do I keep the wisdom of my mistakes while leaving the pain behind?

In the past I used to pick up a good fantasy or science fiction book. It would distract me from the pain, but I don’t think that is something I should be doing now.

Sometimes, I would think about technical things or physics to take my mind off of it.”

“Yes, you should stay away from the fantasy for now. Working is a good way to cope. That is always good.” She said.

I did not comment on this. I really don’t work when I think about technical stuff. It’s just another form of escapism. I’m just trying to think my way into the magical world when I do this. I have come to realize that thinking is not the way to get there.

“You should really be careful here though. Remember, a monkey should not be ashamed because he cannot fly.” She said.

This didn’t make much sense at all to me. I began to wonder if I should be insulted, but seeing as how she had no real reason to insult me, I let it slide.

We wrapped up the conversation and I went off to work.

Later that evening I returned to the EC for Ka-at Ibi class (Kemetic meditation). We had been spending the last couple of sessions concentrating on a couple of riddles.

My classmates Mark and Matt were there before me. I joined the class and sat down on a mat between the two of them.

Mark, on my left, is of European decent. He is about six foot two or so, and thin, with relatively short dark blond, almost reddish hair and a full beard. He seems a quiet guy. I always feel comfortable around him.

Matt, on my right is about the same height as Mark but seems a lot younger. He is of mixed decent and very light. He is in his early twenties and also quite thin. He has long light brown dreds about shoulder length. He’s a kind of happy-go-lucky type, though sometimes he seems quite sad. I like him. The kid has potential.

The class went well. I figured out the riddle that had been posed to us the week before.

Nehez, who was teaching the class along with Baheru, reminded us that we should not let our heads get too big. That kind of attitude is a good invitation for evil to enter our lives. I felt taken down a notch in any case when we began to do our breathing exercises. I still have trouble kneeling in first position. It was particularly difficult this evening.

After the class I questioned Bouneith about a comment she had left on my previous blog about shame. She said that I should be careful
that I do not get caught up in “Illegitimate shame”.

So I asked her “What do you mean by illegitimate shame? I don’t understand.”

“A monkey should not be ashamed because it cannot fly.” She said with a broad smile.

Obviously, I needed to meditate on this for a while.

So, over the past couple of days I have been thinking about this. “What could I possibly get out of being ashamed of something that I
am not responsible for?” I asked myself.

It finally came to me that the benefit is safety.

If I take responsibility for everything that happens to me, even the things that I could not possibly have had any control over, then that means that I have power over them. It becomes my fault because I did not use my power effectively, hence the shame. If however, I acknowledge that I am not responsible, I must also accept my own powerlessness in the face of my troubles.

This is obviously not something that I have wanted to face. I really don’t like feeling vulnerable and weak. In fact, the most shameful moments in my memory all have to do with physical weakness. I can’t stand the idea of being helpless; it leaves me paralyzed with self-disgust.

Kind of a weird situation for a guy six foot five and 400 pounds, I’m pretty strong too. Still, I have often felt weak and helpless. Instead of becoming a bully like some might have, I retreated into my fantasies. I really can’t stand the idea of hurting anyone, yet I know that I have lost control before. We all have our moments, but for me, I realize that I could really hurt someone unintentionally.

But I digress…

Our initiation teaches that, as human beings, we are born weak in the same way that Heru was born weak. Due to the circumstances of his conception, he was born immature and helpless. We are also born this way. We are the product of our upbringing and the destiny that was chosen for us. We have no power over the evil within the world; we can only contain the evil within ourselves.

It is by virtue of following the divine code of conduct and doing our spiritual practices that we can contain the evil and advance the development of our souls for the brief time that we have in any incarnation.

The time we spend in the afterlife is vast in comparison to incarnate life. Incarnate life is like a dream in the night, brief and ephemeral in the context of the night itself, let alone in the context of a whole day.

The first real illusion that we must face is the significance of our life in the context of true reality. Though our lives have significance to us, we must realize that our purpose here is to take actions that will affect us in the after life. Our lives do not belong to us; our lives belong to the after life.

How can a single man, born so vulnerable and weak, be responsible for all of the evil that he has come across in his life? How can I be responsible?

Surely, this is the height of arrogance.

For this arrogance, I feel shame, and perhaps that is legitimate.

We all must live for the purpose of perfecting our own lives. The divine code of conduct sets the pattern for this. Now that I am aware of the code, I have the responsibility to understand it and to keep it, not for the world, but for myself, for my own soul.

This is my responsibility.

I can no longer feel shame for my ignorance. I can no longer feel shame for my weakness. For those times that I acted with malice or stupidity, I can legitimately feel shame. For those times that I acted from the basis of my self-created illusions, I can feel shame. For those times that I practiced self-delusion solely for the purpose of hiding from realities that I could not face, I can feel shame.

I pray that I can capture the wisdom of these actions and avoid the shame of them in the future.

I pray that I can learn and recognize shameful situations before they come upon me, and act accordingly.

I pray that I have the courage and the determination to do what I must to become a complete human being.

“It takes a fool to learn that Love don’t Love nobody.”

I remember back in the day when this song was popular. The
artist was talking about how much pain and suffering he experienced because of
the love he held for a woman. It is common in Western culture to think of love
in these terms. How is it that a concept that is so pervasive and revered can
be the cause of so much pain and suffering, indeed it can often be the cause of
death and destruction?

If ten people are questioned at length about what love
means, each person will have a different concept. Each of these people may also
have an opinion on whether they are seeking love or avoiding love. Those who
still seek love may do so in the hope that their idea of love actually exists.
Those who avoid love may have recognized it as a source of pain to be avoided.

We have learned in our initiation that love is a concept
that has been used for thousands of years to corrupt every level of society.
The expectations of men and women in their relationships are defined by the
ambiguous definitions that they hold. Nation states and great institutions
perpetrate great evils in the name of the love that they bear for their
victims.

Witness the woman who expects that her lover should call
her every day. If he does not call, she feels unloved and neglected. In the
mean time, the man is looking forward to the weekend when he can spend quality
time, sharing experiences with his love. When they meet, she is surly and angry
as a result of the neglect that she imagined. He is insulted and hurt by her
attitude and takes this to mean that she no longer cares for him.

Witness the nation that creates genetically modified seeds
for an impoverished tribe. The tribe attempts to use the seeds and finds that
they are destructive to the land. They discontinue the use of the seed, but the
damage is done because the genetic material has spread to compatible species in
the environment, irrevocably destroying the natural balance of the region in
which the tribe lives.

In each case, the victims are helpless to defend
themselves. Any rejection of the actions of the lover toward the beloved is
considered ungrateful and even immoral, yet acceptance will lead to destruction.

All will vilify the man who defends himself against the
angst of his lover. Though he himself knows the quality of his love, it will
never be accepted in the context where unknown expectations are unfulfilled.

An indigenous culture that defends itself against the
unwanted solutions of modern society is labeled primitive and backward. The
leaders of these people are sometimes criminalized by the international
community for their actions. The resulting stress can even destroy the
cohesiveness of the tribal community itself.

Should we conclude that the concept of love itself is
flawed?

We can easily criticize the idea of romance. The etymology
of the word quickly points us to the Roman culture. The Roman culture defines
love by the goddess Venus. A study of Greek and Roman mythology shows that
Venus, though beautiful, was an evil and vindictive goddess. Her primary modus
operandi was to curse those who were in possession of those things that she
desired but did not have. If we take this as the proper attitude for love and
lovers, it is easy to see how this will lead to destructive conflict.

We should remember however, that the Greeks and the Romans
had several different words for what we today call Love in the English
language. This type of specificity made communication clearer in the context of
loving relationships. We could still conclude that Venus or, as the Greeks
named her Aphrodite, would be a messenger of love.

The other concept of love in the west is defined by the
religious figure Jesus Christ. The story of his life, death and resurrection is
defined by the love that he bore for all human kind. This love was exemplified
in him sacrificing his life for the sins of humanity.

We can criticize the very name of Jesus by analyzing the
Medu phraseology from which it is most likely derived. In doing so, we would
conclude that either the people who originally shared this story with were
illiterate, or they assume that we are. This, of course, would be true of most
of us.

The greatest indictment of this concept of love is not the
story of the life of Jesus, but the behavior of those who claim to be his
followers. It is unreasonable that a doctrine of love should be used to justify
war, slavery and destruction. Islam, in contrast, is very direct in their behavior.
Accept Allah, or die. Any one who rejects their teaching is simply hated.

The concept of Love is a very personal one for me
individually. I have lived my whole life filled with this emotion. The emotion
that I feel does not place expectations upon my beloved. It is not limited to
any individual and yet any individual that I perceive is its inspiration.

Each breath that I take is an act of love. Time and space
are transcended by its scope. I look around and all that I see is the beauty of
a perfect creation. The only responses that seem appropriate are awe, wonder
and love. These are the only responses that I seem to be able to give.

My only sorrow is in the misunderstanding within myself.
It is this that I am now trying to come to grips with. How am I different from
the perceptions of my beloved? Why should there ever be doubt about what I know
to be true within myself. How could anyone require that proof be shown of the
love that I bear?

It seems that the love within me is both personal and
impersonal. It is possessed by me, yet unlimited by my concept of self. The
idea that my works should be the proof of it seems a corrupting limitation of
what I perceive it to be. This is not to say that I should not follow the
divine code of conduct. It is simply that the divine code of conduct seems the
most natural and obvious way to be.

I am constantly confused by the fact that the perceptions
that I have of my true self do not match the perceptions of others. It is from
this that I derive my shame. It is from this that I derive my anger and my
sorrow. What must I do to show the world the truth that I perceive within
myself?

How can I become Love’s True Messenger?

I created the following essay to fulfill a homework assignment for Medu class. We were asked to give three examples of the principle of Heru-Set. I descided to use the assignment as an opportunity to practice my essay writing skills.

The Principle of
Heru-Set

Heru is the son of Wsr and Aishat. As such, he has chosen
to re-establish the kingdom of his Father. The kingdom of Wsr must be
re-established because his brother Set chose to destroy him. Therefore, Heru
and Set are forever at odds with each other.

Heru, as his father before him, is an immortal
incorruptible divine being, a “Neteru” in human form. Set is also a Neteru.
Unlike Heru and his father Wsr, Set chose to express his immortality in the
single form of his original self as created by Ptah. Wsr, Heru and their
descendents chose to express their immortality through the transcendence of
death and rebirth. The choice of transcendence comes with the added attribute
of fertility. It is the ability to re-produce in kind and re-incarnate through
our children that is characteristic of the choice of transcendent immortality.

Set, by virtue of his expression of immortality, is
detrimental to life. Set is the destroyer of life, whereas Wsr and his children
are the preservers of life.

Though the distinction of preservation versus destruction
is traditionally in western culture associated with judgments of “good” and “evil”, the morality of humans
does not apply to divine beings. It is the balance of the forces of Heru and
Set that must be maintained. Therefore, neither Heru nor Set can ever achieve
total victory in their battle for dominion of the divine, or the physical
world.

The battle between Heru and Set is reflected in every
aspect of the world in which we live. One of the most basic examples of the
principle of Heru-Set can be found in electricity and magnetism.

Electricity and magnetism are manifest in a form that we
can actually experience directly. Most of us have encountered static
electricity at some point in time. This is the familiar shock that we receive
after shuffling across a carpet on a dry winter day.

The electric shock is caused by the build-up of negative
charge around your body. Electrical charge is literally rubbed off of the
carpet and accumulates on the surface of your skin. This creates an imbalance
between you and the environment that ultimately must be reconciled. The
reconciliation of this imbalance is the electric shock.

Has the charge disappeared once the shock occurs? The
answer to this question must be no. The first law of thermodynamics states that
the total matter and energy in the universe is constant and that nothing is
ever destroyed. Matter and energy can only change form.

If ever a phenomenon has manifest, it always exists in a
state of becoming, transitioning from one form to another. We only experience a
small part of its becoming because our awareness is focused on our immediate
environment in space and time.

The existence of charge in all its forms is manifest in
the context of eternity. This is a true example of the principle of Heru-Set.
Electric charge is manifest in the existence of opposites. Even though positive
and negative charge are opposites, they arise from the same basic concept, just
as Heru and Set are both Neteru created by a single Self-Created Neteru, Ptah.
Like positive and negative charge, Heru and Set are similar in nature, but
opposite in effect.

The manifestation of electric charge is found in all
things. Electric charge is the principle behind all forms of radiant energy
from heat, to light, to X-Rays. Electric charge exists in the core of every
particle of matter. Electric charge is the principle behind the magnetic field
of the earth. Electric charge is the force that powers the chemical functions
of every cell in your body and the medium of the transmission of information
within the nervous system. Electric charge guides the rhythms of your heart.

Heru-Set is in all things physical.

Heru-Set can also be found in the ecology of the earth.

Consider a particular region of the earth that has not
been spoiled by the actions of humanity. Within such a region we can find both
predators and prey.

In the bush we will find both the lion and cattle. A lion
hunts cattle for its food. In the act of hunting and killing cattle, the lion
is expressing the principle of Set. There are very few lions compared to the
number in a herd of cattle, just as there is only one Set and there are an
innumerable number of the children of Heru.

Consider that a lion, by nature cannot and will not
destroy the strongest in the herd. A lion will always prey upon the weak and
the defenseless. In this way, the lion strengthens the herd because only the
strong are able to reproduce. The stronger the herd becomes, the more difficult
they are to hunt. Therefore, the lion (and its descendents) must become
stronger still to hunt them.

It is the balance between the destructive force of
predation and the creative force of reproduction that supports the continued
existence of the ecology of the bush.

The forces of Heru-Set also exist within our own
personality.

One of the most powerful forces in the human personality
is the ego. Many of us who are on the path of spiritual development have been
exposed to the idea of the death of the ego as part of the process of
enlightenment. Though this is our goal, we can also see the ego in the context
of the principle of Heru-Set.

The ego is that part of us that identifies with our
existence within this incarnation. It is a principle of singular existence that
takes a form similar to Set in that it will desire to continue its existence at
all costs. It is in the ego that we find our will to live, and without this
will to live we would not be able to sustain our individual consciousness.

Contrast this to the desire to pro-create. This desire and
process is embedded deep within us all. The act of physical sex, however, draws
down the best and purest of our life force in the sexual act. For men, this is
a result of the “little death” that is the male ejaculation, where as for women
this draining of energy takes the form of menstruation.

The contrast within the personality is also related to the
interaction within groups. In order to work harmoniously, each member of a
group must sacrifice the primacy their ego in order to preserve the group. Every
human being, as a result of the necessity of human interaction, holds within
them the balance between the ego and social interaction. The balance of
Heru-Set.

In a lecture delivered by His Divine Grace A. C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupāda on October 6, 1969, at Conway Hall, London, England, he states that “the conditioned state of our knowledge is subjected to many deficiencies.” These deficiencies being the following,

1. All human beings commit mistakes.
   
   
2. All human beings are deceived by illusion.
   
   
3. All humans are dishonest.
   
   
4. Human senses are imperfect.
   
   

It is by virtue of these deficiencies that he justifies the unquestioned acceptance of the Vedas as Kŗşņa itself handed down these teachings to the original human being.

I find this conclusion to be rather illogical. My finding is not that the four deficiencies are incorrect or invalid. I think that most thinking people would take these to be self-evident. It is the acceptance of the four deficiencies that requires me to question the divinity of any written or even spoken teaching.

If a person comes to me and says, “I present to you the absolute true teachings of God in the form of this book.” The four deficiencies dictate that the person who presents it to me could be making a mistake and also I might be mistaken in taking what this person says as true. The very experience itself is actually an illusion, the reality of which cannot conclusively be proven. I know that I have made promises that I have not been able to keep, whether it was intentional or not. And both my senses and the senses of the presenter are suspect.

How then can I accept that the “divine teachings” presented to me in this case are “real”?

For a seeker such as myself, this is a difficult dilemma. The four deficiencies, once accepted, create a paradox that traps the will and immobilizes one’s ability to act upon the desire for experience of the “Absolute Truth”.

Is there a solution to this dilemma?

Well, for the first deficiency, I would assume that though it is true, it is not always true that human beings make mistakes. As a seeker, I must accept the fact that I will usually be mistaken in any conclusion that I come to. I must remain humble in my perceptions of my ideas and concepts. It is very likely that I am mistaken. Yet it is those moments that I am correct that I seek. I will never be deterred by error because I have faith that correctness exists and I can, and do experience it. I must however, test my concepts for self-consistency both internally and externally.

Illusion, this is perhaps much simpler. It actually gives great power. By recognizing the illusory nature of my experience, I am able to transcend any effect that my experience may have upon me. After all, why concern myself with something that is not real? My goal is to find and experience that which is real, the “Ultimate Reality” if you will.

Dishonesty. This one is quite difficult. It can easily lead to paranoia J. However, I must realize that the source of dishonesty seems most likely a result of mistake and illusion. It is a mistake to think that I know enough about any situation to be able to make a promise of what will happen in the future. Though one might not intentionally lie, a broken promise is as good as a lie to the one the promise was made. Every parent has likely experienced this, promising his or her child something and then that event or thing not materializing. The disappointment ultimately leads to the disillusionment of adolescence, which is a part of life, but no less painful for the parent or the child.

I cannot understand for myself the logic of lying intentionally. I learned long ago that it only leads to pain and suffering in the long run. I am aware that most people feel that it is necessary though (see deficiency 1). This could only be an illusion though since one could never know enough to be sure that the lie is successful.

I have learned through my experience and scientific study, that human senses are quite fallible. Therefore, I would conclude that the logical place to seek the Absolute Truth is outside of the realm of human senses. Basically, meditation and contemplation are the means by which the truth may be known. The source of that truth cannot be found in books, in this web log or indeed anywhere but within our own heart and soul.

Only within ourselves will we find Kŗşņa and, when we do, the Vedas shall be presented directly.

I have faith that I shall find what I seek.